i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
