I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
