this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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