when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
