You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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