Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
