I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
