I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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