Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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