Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
