Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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