I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
