SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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