I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You smell like stripper and shame
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
