Porn is love you can see.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
