I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
