It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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