turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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