My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
