when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
