you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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