Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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