yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
