You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
its liver damage thursday
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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