I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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