imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize