Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
