Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
