shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
