I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
