You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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