i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
