i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
