I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
