Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
