I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
