I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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