I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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