chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
