after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
