the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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