dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
