I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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