I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
