i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Green mimosas i think yes
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
