I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
