you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
