just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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