Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
