I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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