porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
All the doctor said was why
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
