You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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