he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
