Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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