I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
