i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
