He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
