I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
