oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
