sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
