I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it hurts more in the daytime
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
