Your mouth is God's brothel.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
