Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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